i'm making a list page because i can't get back into my listography account. i've been very gay lately, like thinking about a certain boy a lot. anyway. me susan april spencer and eric are gonna be scooby doo for halloween. dude, september's almost over. i'm gonna have to make a new fucking journal page. i've been slightly losing interest in cuntboy which i feel bad about. i still haven't finished breaking bad. tbh... i need to be in a certain mood for it. cuntboy is made of my angst from being misgendered. but lately i've just felt like a slacker stoner idiot. maybe tonight. ibroke my fucking bed. it's sinking in, literallu the mattress is like touching the floor and it's gonna be that way for a while. yaaaaaay. but i really do wanna work on cuntboy, my brain is just getting more into video art and vaporwave again. anyway i'm writng this at my student center. i wanna be less online... with the exception of neocities, of course.
i've been realllly wanting a pc more than normal these days. i think about my setup. it would be unimpressive. like, on purpose. like i'd want a sleeper, or at least an old looking case/monitor (since i can no longer achieve my mac g3 dreams) and i'd have my little portible pink tv (that looks like a small version of the g3) on the side as another monitor. and i'd have some gay little headphones, like the ones i have right now with the smileys but better. it would be surrounded by stacks of dvds. and it would have a mechanical keyboard. i'd like to also have a little trans flag in a cool cup next to a ulala figurine (i'd never be able to afford the real one, i'd make a shitty clay one) actually no. i'd have all my dvds in a litttttttle shelf next to my tv, which is stacked on top of something else. it's not too far from the pc, though, so i can plug it in for a crt movie night. and the mouse for the computer will be like one of those cool liquidy ones. ok. thanks
i've been working on a collage series/comic book for the past few days. i understand the key to losing interest in neocities: it helps me work on art whenever i need to, instead of not feeling like i can work on anything, i can work on something accessible. it's all on my computer, i don't have to go out and shoot footage or record anything. but now i'm working on that book, and it's the only thing i really care about.
it's called cuntboy. the main character is naked women i find online with jesse from breaking bad's face on it. he commits crimes and smokes weed. it's relatively boring but i think anyone outside my circle would find it interesting just on the subject matter alone. i've also been listening to a lot of death grips. i also kinda made a friend at school and i'm excited to make movies with her. and i really want a pc rn. the sleeper g3 never worked out, i don't think i ever said that. so. hm.
so tomorrow's my first day of college :< scared. i'm working on an irl collage that i really like. i should sleep
ok so: i do not have to stay in my dorm. heavenly, man. i also just got my mom to get me a crt tv as a birthday gift (very late but whatever) so i can hopefully get started on some video synth work soon...?
in other news. i have no clue what to be for halloween and it's stressing me. the idea of being beck and bjork with m*ka (i know she'll see this) is very tempting but i don't think she cares. i'm a grown man, i shouldn't be so worried about this. whatever
i am home. temporarily. god.... this is so fucking nice. what do i gotta do to make the rest of my life like this, or to never go back to my fucking dorm (without the intent of getting the hell out of there). i think i might be active on here again. i hope so. this makes things feel right